The Goal of Boundary Setting

(Photo by Kierra Burton from Pexels)

We tend to think the goal of boundaries is keeping ourselves from being hurt, or getting our way in relationships. Those who have viewed boundaries in this way tend to have a bad taste in their mouth when it comes to boundaries. Boundaries set from selfish motives block relationships, however boundaries set out of the right motivation gives us the ability to thrive in relationships. The goal of boundary setting is to keep us from enabling weights and sin in the lives of others and in our own lives so we can run our race well (Hebrews 12:1) united together under Christ. Boundaries set with this goal help us take responsibility for our own lives. Instead of selfishly pushing our responsibilities off on another person or taking on another person’s responsibilities. 

Use God’s word as a guide to what is good and what is bad. 

The Bible gives us a Litmus test to know what is good and bad. Matthew 7:15 states,

Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, not can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits. 

The tricky thing with boundary setting is we do not always realize when things are good or bad. Some things that are harmful appear good and helpful at first glance. Galatians 6:22-23, describe the fruit that comes from living by the Spirit. 

But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

When we think about the people we spend time with, the movies we watch, the activities we engage in, habits we have do these things bring about the fruit of the spirit in our lives or do they do the opposite of the fruit of the spirit and encourage or cause hate, bitterness, anxiety, meanness, sin, faithlessness, harshness, defiance?

These fruits also provide a good test for our motivation. Do we set boundaries out of love? Do we have joy in our lives or are we burdened with guilt and fear? Do we create peace with others? Do we practice patience or do we cut off relationships right and left? Do we selfishly practice whatever seems right or are we allowing God’s wisdom and goodness to be our guide? Do we remain faithful in our promises and devotion to God? Do we practice self control or do we allow ourselves to be others controlled?    

How do we avoid setting boundaries from selfish motivation?  

The key to avoiding selfish motivation is to:

Trust and uphold God’s boundaries.

When we trust in our own goodness and sense of justice, we end up with a world of hurt. God’s ways are meant to shield us from the enemy and bring healing to our lives. Psalms 33:16-22 points out that we are not saved or shielded by our own devices or strength. 

The king is not saved by his great army; a warrior is not delivered by his great strength, the war horse is a false hope for salvation, and by its great might it cannot rescue. Behold the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him, on those who hope in His steadfast love, that he may deliver their soul from death and keep them alive in famine. Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in His holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us even as we hope in you.

Trust God’s Design.

In God’s word, God not only gives us the beautiful story of what He has done for us. He also gives us his boundaries for his creation. God tells us how he made his creation and what his creation is made for. Isaiah 29:15-16 warns that trusting in our own understanding is an upside down way of thinking. 

Ah, you who hide deep from the Lord you counsel, whose deeds are in the dark, and who say, ‘Who sees us? Who knows us?’ You who turn things upside down! Shall the potter be regarded as clay, that the thing made should say of its maker, ‘He did not make me;’ or the thing formed say of him who formed it, ‘He has no understanding?’

We have to trust our creator’s design. When we fail to trust God we end up manipulating ourselves and others and we become unsafe people. In the world, there will always be a push to distrust that God has given us everything we need. In Philippians 4:19 Paul encourages, 

And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Trust God’s Justice

When others hurt us with their actions, we must trust our need for retaliation to God. Letting go of our need for retaliation is the essence of forgiveness. Forgiveness is an excellent boundary to keep bitterness from taking root in our hearts. 

Finally, We must keep hope that no matter what happens when we choose to set boundaries on sin God’s got our back. Setting boundaries can be difficult! Sometimes when we set limits around other people’s sin, they choose to no longer stay in relationship with us. This can be very hurtful! When we set limits on sin in our own lives, it can be a painful process. Paul had to set some limits in his life and leave some things behind. He writes in Philippians 3:7-9 about the hope which gave him strength to let go of his old pattern of life. 

“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith.  

Paul understood that anything he let go of in this life could not compare to the richness of a life lived in faith. When we set healthy boundaries in our lives with the right motivation, it leads us to a richer, fuller life lived out in faith. 

For more tips on boundary setting, check out our post, Tips for Building Boundaries – Lessons from Nehemiah

 

 

 

 

Want to learn more about boundaries? This is a fantastic book that I would highly recommend!

The link to this book is an Amazon affiliate link. We use affiliate links because they help us keep this blog running without any additional costs to you.